Today’s St. Louis Post-Dispatch editorial page included a Fair or Foul comment by Kevin Horrigan, Deputy Editorial Page Editor (please see below). It focuses on the effort to penalize local jurisdictions that have addressed, or may in future address, the issue of smoke-fouled indoor air in public places and workplaces.

Below that are appended a long list of news outlets which have commented on this story. Rep. Kathie Conway has certainly garnered a lot of attention by merely wanting to protect private businesses from busybodies wanting to limit how a legal product can be used. Next thing you know, we’ll be shutting down or penalizing private businesses for allowing lewd behavior that people find offensive. A simple solution for that is to just put up a sign!

FOUL: Bossy is as bossy does

— Kevin Horrigan

My thanks to Stan Cowan for the following relevant trove of references and articles which he sent today. Even the San Francisco Chronicle picked up on it. To anyone in a state with progressive laws on smoke-free air this must seem pretty weird.

Jefferson City News Tribune
April 22, 2013
http://www.newstribune.com/news/2013/apr/22/lawmaker-seeks-penalty-smoking-bans/
ST. LOUIS (AP) — The growing number of Missouri communities banning smoking in public places could face stiff financial penalties under a proposal from a state lawmaker.
The measure sponsored by Republican Rep. Kathie Conway of St. Charles County would require cities and counties to turn over to local school districts the property and sales tax revenue they get from businesses affected by tobacco restrictions.
“If these municipalities and counties are going to hurt the income of small businesses, maybe their bottom line should be affected as well,” Conway said.
Conway told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch (http://bit.ly/ZzXbGi ) that she is seeking to protect the rights of the owners of bars, restaurants and other businesses to decide for themselves whether to allow smoking.
The bill introduced April 2 is opposed by the Missouri Municipal League and anti-smoking groups.
Richard Sheets, deputy director of the Missouri Municipal League, said the measure would punish all residents of a city or county by denying them tax revenue.
“This is a local issue that should be vetted through the local process of elected representatives,” Sheets said.
Stan Cowan, a board member with Tobacco-Free Missouri, said the bill “is essentially trying to intimidate city and county governments to slow down or not pass smoke-free ordinances.”
Seven other Republican House members from St. Charles County are co-sponsors with Conway. The other co-sponsor is St. Louis Democrat Penny Hubbard.
O’Fallon and Lake St. Louis have smoking bans in St. Charles County. The St. Charles City Council will hold hearings next month on a smoking ban that likely would exempt Ameristar Casino.
The St. Charles County Council in 2012 voted to put on the November ballot a two-question countywide smoking ban package. However, it was blocked by the county elections director and a circuit judge. The sponsor wants to try again next year.
St. Louis city and county have smoking bans.

BND – O’Fallon IL
April 21, 2013
http://www.bnd.com/2013/04/21/2586556/missouri-lawmaker-seeks-penalty.html

The sponsor of this bill may not acknowledge it but she is essentially acting as a surrogate for the tobacco lobby. If enacted, this bill would set the cause of public health back decades, and put the gains painstakingly achieved around the state over several decades back to square one.

I cannot think of more disastrous legislation, apart from the effort by Tobacco Institute lobbyist, John Britton, in 1987 who colluded with the voluntary health agencies, American Cancer, Heart and Lung, and Susan Sherman, lobbyist for the State Department of Health, in attempting to pass a very weak statewide Clean Indoor Air Act superseding all stronger longer ordinances by the inclusion of a preemption clause.

This time it may be the casino industry which is behind this effort and who seem to have supplanted the tobacco industry when it comes to opposing smoke-free air ordinances. Their goal is to maintain smoking in their gaming areas based on an unfounded fear of losing revenue from smoking clients.

The story below by St. Louis Post-Dispatch reporter, Mark Schlinkmann, quotes Stan Cowan, who gave the following testimony opposing the bill on Tuesday, April 18, before the Local Government Committee, which was considering this legislation sponsored by Rep. Kathie Conway, R-St. Charles County:

Stan Cowan

• Ethically wrong
         When secondhand smoke is known as a cause for lung and heart diseases, and when smokefree policies have been shown to improve public health, reduce hospitalization rates and save health care costs, there is no justification to promote legislation that seeks to discourage or penalize communities for adopting smokefree policies for the good of their community.

References:
1 “Reduced Hospitalizations for Acute Myocardial Infarction After Implementation of a Smoke-Free Ordinance – City of Pueblo, Colorado, 2002-2006” Morbidity & Mortality Weekly Report, Vol. 57/No.51&52, January 2, 2009. 2 Trachsel, Lukas D., et.al., “Reduced incidence of acute myocardial infarction in the first year of implementation of a public smoking ban in Graubünden, Switzerland”, Swiss Medical News, January 7, 2010 3 Herman, Patricia, ND, PhD and Walsh, Michele, PhD, “Hospital Admissions for Acute Myocardial Infarction, Angina, Stroke, and Asthma After Implementation of Arizona’s Comprehensive Statewide Smoking Ban” American Journal of Public Health, published online ahead of print May 13, 2010 as 10.2105/AJPH.2009.1795724 Lightwood, James, PhD, et.al., “Declines in Acute Myocardial Infarction After Smoke-Free Laws and Individual Risk Attributable to Secondhand Smoke”, Circulation, October 6, 2009; 120:1373-13795 Missouri Department of Health & Senior Services, Missouri Information for Community Assessment, http://www.dhss.mo.gov/data/mica accessed March 7, 2011.6 Siegel, Michael, M.D., Ph.D., “Local Restaurant Smoking Regulations and the Adolescent Smoking Initiation Process” Arch Pediatric & Adolescent Medicine 2008:162(5); 477-4837 Scollo, M., et.al., “Review of the quality of studies on the economic effects of smoke-free policies on the hospitality industry” Tobacco Control 2003;12:13-20

Below is the article by St. Louis Post-Dispatch reporter, Mark Schlinkmann, published on page B1:

Smoking-ban cities would face tax penalty under House bill
By Mark Schlinkmann mschlinkmann@post-dispatch.com 636-255-7233

ST. CHARLES COUNTY • Cities and counties with local smoking bans would face stiff financial penalties under a Missouri House bill submitted recently by a group of St. Charles County lawmakers.
         The measure would require cities or counties to turn over to local school districts the property and sales tax revenue they get from businesses affected by tobacco restrictions.

Rep. Kathie Conway, R-St. Charles County

Richard Sheets, from Missouri Municipal League web page

Stan Cowan

mogasp update 2013-04-22 @ 6:57 pm: I invited Rep. Kathie Conway to reply to my introductory comments, which she was good enough to do. I reproduce her response in full below and am happy to withdraw any suggestion that her introduction of this bill was motivated by casino money:

Rep. Kathie Conway, R-St. Charles County

The ordinance being considered by St. Charles city council is motivated not from a desire to protect public health and welfare or exposed employees from secondhand smoke, but by a fear over profits if the Ameristar Casino were to go smoke-free. That, plus an obsession with private property rights when it comes to this major public health issue, is a consistent theme when it comes to many legislators in St. Charles County.

The fact that the available evidence shows that making the casino smoke-free would likely not affect profits is also consistently ignored.

If voters were ever given the chance the vote on whether to make places like the casino and restaurants smoke-free they would likely favor the idea, but legislators and the Ameristar Casino fear such democratic suggestions.

Don Young

Anti-smoking activist sues to put smoking ban back on St. Charles Co. ballot

Below is reporter Mark Schlinkmann’s recent St. Louis Post-Dispatch article:

Exempting casino a key goal as St. Charles council weighs smoking ban
April 10, 2013 5:00 pm • By Mark Schlinkmann mschlinkmann@post-dispatch.com 636-255-7233

Council members have decided to hold public hearings next month before acting.
         The council also will consider other exemptions, such as for bars, veterans halls and bowling alleys. But no decision has been made on any.
         Shielding the casino from a smoking ban is a goal of Mayor Sally Faith. Ameristar, which channels millions of dollars in tax revenue each year to the city, fears losing business to other area casinos where smoking is allowed.
         “We need the revenue, we need to keep the city services for the people,” said Faith, who initiated the council discussion.
         Passage could blunt efforts at the St. Charles County Council to impose a countywide smoking prohibition that might include Ameristar.
         Faith said that if the City Council approved a smoking ordinance, it could be in effect by January. She wants to follow up with a citywide public vote in 2015 on adding similar provisions to the city charter. That would give residents time to decide how the ban was working, she said.
         The County Council voted last year to put before voters a two-proposition countywide package, but it was blocked by an election official and a judge.
         Voters would have been asked whether to ban smoking in workplaces and enclosed public places with no exceptions. A second ballot question was on exempting places restricting customers and employees to people 21 and older, covering the casino and bars.
         The sponsor, County Councilman Joe Cronin of St. Paul, wants to try again next year but hasn’t decided what to include.
         City Councilman Dave Beckering said the city should pass its own measure even though he opposed smoking bans as restricting business owners.
         “I would prefer to do nothing, but given the situation with the county, I think we’re better off if we do something first,” he said.
         Beckering said small bar owners should be treated the same as the casino.
         “Someone has to help protect the rights of business owners,” he said.
         Beckering said he favored all exemptions on a laundry list of possibilities submitted by Faith. One would allow smoking at restaurants with enclosed separately ventilated areas.
         Most other council members at a meeting this week didn’t specify exemptions they favored but agreed there should be some.
         Council President Laurie Feldman said she didn’t like to legislate people’s choices, “but I will not have someone else, i.e. the county, telling us how we’re supposed to do something.”
         However, she acknowledged that a city ban with exemptions wouldn’t preclude the county from imposing a stronger law countywide.
         Details on hearings have yet to be announced. Feldman wants a chart displayed showing casino tax data and “how much their (residents’) taxes are going to go up if we don’t have that revenue.”
         Meanwhile, a St. Louis County Council member has yet to decide how to proceed with his bill repealing a smoking ban exemption for the Hollywood Casino across the Missouri River from Ameristar.
         Statewide smoking ban bills are stalled in the Legislature. So is a measure to ban tougher local smoking restrictions for casinos than what their competitors face.

It would be nice if state Representatives were informed by other than casino interests when charging off with legislation to protect casinos from phantom concerns about loss of revenue should they go smoke-free.

This was addressed in a peer-reviewed study of which I was fortunate be last coauthor of six, published in the peer-reviewed international journal, Tobacco Control, on June 14, 2011, titled:

“Exempting casinos from the Smoke-free Illinois Act will not bring patrons back: they never left“

The primary author was Dr. Jenine K. Harris at the George Warren School of Social Work, Washington University, St. Louis.

I posted a blog with a long introduction about it, after sending it to David Nicklaus at the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, who featured it in an article he wrote, published on June 28, 2011:

“Smoking ban didn’t hurt Illinois casinos, study says.“

Rep. Bill Otto, D-St. Charles, the sponsor of this ill-conceived bill, is quoted below as saying:

“These counties will fall one at a time,” Otto said. “It will really be detrimental to whichever casino goes nonsmoking first. This will just kill them.”

The full story appears below, and is depressing in terms of the comments of other area legislators, and their apparent lack of knowledge on the subject.

State bill would protect smoking at Lemay and Maryland Heights casinos
9 hours ago • By Mark Schlinkmann mschlinkmann@post-dispatch.com 636-255-723318

An effort is under way in the Missouri Legislature to keep local governments from imposing tougher smoking restrictions for casinos than what their competitors face.
The bill would prohibit local smoking bans at casinos if smoking is still allowed at a competing casino within 75 miles. It is sponsored by Rep. Bill Otto, D-St. Charles, whose district includes the Hollywood and Ameristar casinos.
         The measure would bar the St. Louis County Council from ending the exemptions from the county’s smoking ban for Hollywood in Maryland Heights and River City Casino in Lemay. The council has been considering in recent weeks removing those and most other exemptions.
         Hollywood, formerly known as Harrah’s, is just across the Missouri River from Ameristar in St. Charles, where there is no smoking ban.
         The state proposal also would prevent St. Charles County from enacting a smoking ban for Ameristar unless one was already in place at Hollywood and other St. Louis-area casinos.
         Otto says he wants to keep one area casino from gaining a temporary advantage over another.
         Eventually, he said, he expects that all local communities in the St. Louis area will enact bans on smoking in casinos, bars and other public places with few exemptions, although he opposes such restrictions on businesses.
         “These counties will fall one at a time,” Otto said. “It will really be detrimental to whichever casino goes nonsmoking first. This will just kill them.”
         Otto said his bill would allow cities or a county “to do whatever they want fully understanding they won’t affect the casinos immediately.”
         Lobbyists for Ameristar and Penn National Gaming, which owns Hollywood, said they supported Otto’s measure but did not ask him to sponsor it. Otto has not received any campaign contributions from casinos or their executives, according to the most recent reports.
         “It places us all on a level playing field,” said Troy Stremming, an Ameristar executive.
         Pat Lindsey, executive director of the Tobacco-Free St. Louis Coalition, opposes the bill and other so-called “trigger” measures tying action on smoking in one jurisdiction to that in another.
         “It just kind of holds everything back,” she said. “We just need to get rid of the smoke.”
         Also opposed is Misty Snodgrass, who lobbies for the Cancer Action Network, an affiliate of the American Cancer Society.
         “Local communities should be able to pass whatever strong ordinance they want to pass,” she said.
         St. Louis County Councilman Mike O’Mara, who is sponsoring the pending proposal to eliminate most exemptions to the county smoking ban, said he needed to review Otto’s bill before taking a position on it.
         “If it’s a fairness bill to keep everyone on the same page, I could live with that,” said O’Mara, D-Florissant.
         At the St. Charles County Council, the main advocate of unsuccessful smoking ban legislation last year — Councilman Joe Cronin, R-St. Paul — said he didn’t object to Otto’s goal. However, he said the mileage radius should be reduced, perhaps to 25 miles.
         St. Charles County has no countywide ban, but its council has considered several versions in recent years and is likely to do so again.
         Cronin noted that at one point, he sponsored a smoking ban bill with an exemption for Ameristar that would expire when other casinos on the Missouri side of the metro area went smoke-free.
         A statewide smoking ban in Illinois already covers Metro East casinos.
         Cronin also has fought with Ameristar over another version.
         That proposal would have let voters decide separately on a smoking ban and exempting places where all customers and workers are over 21, such as casinos and bars.
         The council voted last year to put that on the November ballot, but the county elections director removed it because of technical errors.
         Cronin said he planned to try again at the next countywide election but was still working on details of the legislation. The earliest it would likely be on the ballot is August 2014.
         Meanwhile, two other area lawmakers — Sen. Maria Chappelle-Nadal, D-University City, and Rep. Jill Schupp, D-Creve Coeur — recently filed bills seeking a statewide smoking ban. Similar measures have gone nowhere in past sessions.
         Otto’s state bill also would affect the Lumière Place casino in St. Louis. Officials with Pinnacle Entertainment, which owns both the Lumière and River City facilities and has announced plans to buy Ameristar, could not be reached for comment.
         The state proposal also would apply to competing casinos in the Kansas City area.
         Lumière’s exemption from St. Louis’ smoking ban already is tied by law to its competitors. The city’s smoking ordinance says the Lumière exemption would be phased out once smoking bans are imposed on casinos in St. Louis and St. Charles counties.
         Otto, as a freshman Democrat in the heavily Republican House, typically would have an uphill climb getting a bill passed in his first year in Jefferson City.
         To build support, he’s lined up as co-sponsors House members from several other districts around the state that also have casinos. In all, he has 11 co-sponsors, seven Republicans and four Democrats.
         Stremming, the Ameristar lobbyist, said, “I’m hopeful a good idea like this can get some momentum.”

It focuses on one of MoGASP’s primary campaigns in the past: seeking a totally smoke-free Missouri State Capitol. Despite efforts spanning many years, that goal has proved elusive as some of those responsible have essentially thumbed their noses at federal law and the Americans with Disabilities Act, with which they are not in compliance by continuing to allow smoking, even if nominally confined to private offices.

Only by keeping the pressure on will the People’s House finally come into conformance with every other state office building, which is already smoke-free.

Stan Cowan

Stan Cowan has dedicated over 35 years toward protecting and advancing pubic health in Missouri. He was active in the citizens coalition that led to a voter-approved ordinance for smoke-free workplaces in Jefferson City.

Smoke-free air laws are typically among the most self-enforcing of laws due to the large number of nonsmokers in the population now: roughly 80% of adults don’t smoke in Missouri.

If you’re going to talk about freedom, fairness and personal responsibility, as this article does, that’s fine.

* It should be freedom from smoke pollution.

*Fairness, so that anyone, smoker and nonsmoker, can work in or enter the premises without having to breathe smoke-polluted air.

*And personal responsibility: smokers can refrain from smoking while in a smoke-free environment, or find an alternative for satisfying their nicotine craving. It’s the norm in so many places now: this is NOT rocket science!

It’s disappointing to hear Councilman O’Mara being swayed by stories from bar owners claiming to predict their future peril if they go smoke-free. No one’s health and welfare should be put at risk by such arguments.

Bar owners weigh in on move to eliminate smoking ban exemptions in St. Louis County
By Paul Hampel phampel@post-dispatch.com 314-727-623426

CLAYTON • Bar owners talked about freedom, fairness and personal responsibility as they spoke out Wednesday about a proposal before the St. Louis County Council to eliminate almost all exemptions to the countywide smoking ban.
         Most who spoke hold such exemptions; a few others do not.
         Both sides argued that the matter boiled down to economics.
         “If you remove the exemptions, you’re going to put people out of business,” said Jim Schmitt, who owns Schmitt’s Bar & Grill in Overland.
         Tim Tucker, whose Locker Room bar in Florissant does not have an exemption, said, “Exemptions have hurt my business. It’s not fair that one bar can do something that my bar cannot.”
         The owners attended the meeting at the invitation of County Councilman Mike O’Mara, D-Florissant, who introduced a bill last month to remove the exemptions. Establishments are eligible for exemptions if food sales total less than 25 percent of the annual total sales of food and beverage. The ordinance also exempted gambling floors at casinos.
         After the meeting, O’Mara said that some owners had made an impression on him.
         “I am concerned for these little bar owners. I wonder if there isn’t an option for them (to keep exemptions) based on square footage, no food (served) or if they only let in people over 21.”
         O’Mara said he wanted to create a level playing field for all business owners.
         Exemptions are currently held by 135 establishments and the county’s two gambling venues, River City Casino and Hollywood Casino St. Louis.
         In its current form, the bill leaves in place exemptions for private residences; private clubs; performers on stage in theatrical productions; nursing homes and similar institutions; retail tobacco businesses; and permanently designated smoking rooms in hotels.
         Some owners agreed with the idea of a level playing field — though perhaps not in the way O’Mara intended it.
         “Remove the ban completely for all drinking establishments,” Carol Fallert, owner of the Brew House in Maryland Heights, suggested to O’Mara.
         Derek Deaver, who owns Deaver’s Restaurant in Florissant and Three Kings Public House in the Delmar Loop, advised, “Either allow smoking everywhere or nowhere.”
         Craig Robinson, vice president of finance at Hollywood Casino (formerly Harrah’s) in Maryland Heights, asserted that eliminating exemptions would hurt the bottom line by encouraging smokers to leave the casino floor to puff outside or to take their business elsewhere.
         “Ameristar is less than a mile away as the crow flies,” Robinson said, referring to the nearby casino in St. Charles where smoking is allowed.
         Robinson said O’Mara’s plan would cut his casino’s revenue by 20 percent. In turn, he said, that would lead to tax revenue cuts of $9.7 million to the Pattonville School District and $3.2 million to the city of Maryland Heights.
         However, Don Hart, who owns Maryland Yards bar in Maryland Heights, asked that O’Mara not give special treatment to the casinos.
         “If you’re going to take (exemptions) away from the 135 bars, take it away from the boats,” Hart said.
         O’Mara said he would hold additional hearings for the general public before moving forward with the bill.

My letter in response is fortuitously published in today’s newspaper, just in time for a Perfection vote this evening on a smoke-free air bill sponsored by County Councilman Mike O’Mara. Mr. O’Mara has gone on record as saying he wants to remove existing unfair exemptions, such as smoking in small bars and the gaming area of casinos so I hope that’s what this bill does.

Both letters are reproduced below, starting with Mr. Hannegan’s:

Mr. Bill Hannegan being interviewed outside St. Louis County Council chamber in July 2009

Bill Hannegan  •  St. Louis

Martin Pion debating Bill Hannegan on Fox News
The Charles Jaco Report in October 2009

Martin Pion  •  Ferguson

Bill Hannegan’s letter in the January 31, 2013, St.Louis Post-Dispatch once again urges St. Louis County Council to make an ‘over 21’ rule to exempt bars from smoke-free air laws. This is in response to County Councilman Mike O’Mara’s recently-announced proposal to eliminate existing loopholes in the law, which currently allows selected bars an exemption from St. Louis County’s smoke-free air law.

This has become Bill’s theme following enactment of the current pretty comprehensive laws in both St. Louis City and County that provide for smoke-free air in most places of employment, including restaurants. The biggest exemptions are for small bars and the casino gaming areas.

MoGASP supports eliminating them but Bill wants to move in the other direction for no good reason that I can perceive, his main argument being based on fallacious “Private property rights.” Below I’ve reproduced the article and I’ll follow up later with Bill’s published letter.

                                    
Hannegan rallies pro-smokers in St. Louis County
January 24, 2013 11:52 am • By Paul Hampel phampel@post-dispatch.com 314-727-6234

Bill Hannegan with beer and pack of cigarettes but note that he’s not smoking and there’s no ashtray. Must be one of those darned healthy smoke-free air bars!
         Photo by Sid Hastings for the Post-Dispatch

ST. LOUIS COUNTY • Smokers’ rights advocate Bill Hannegan has sent letters to owners of all 135 establishments in the county that hold exemptions to the countywide smoking ban, urging them to protest a proposal that would remove almost all exemptions to the ban.
         Last week, County Councilman Mike O’Mara, D-Florissant, introduced a bill to make the ban more strict.
         O’Mara said his proposal was designed to “level the playing field” for businesses that don’t have the exemptions.
         After introducing the bill, O’Mara referred it to committee for study.
         Hannegan, of St. Louis, is the director of Keep St. Louis Free and perhaps the staunchest defender of smoking rights in the region.
         His letter states, in part: “St. Louis County bar owner, if you, your patrons and your staff protest the theft of your exemption, the chances are very good that Councilman O’Mara will restore your bar’s exemptions to his ordinance and the Council will vote down any law that does not exempt your establishment.”

It’s good to see St. Louis County Council reviving the issue of smoke-free air and seriously considering removing some, if not all, of the remaining undesirable exemptions. Missouri GASP and others have fought against exemptions in the past, but then we compromised in supporting the ballot measure which ushered in the present smoke-free air law when it became clear that was the only way to make significant progress. The most egregious exemptions remain those for the gaming floor of county-based casinos and standalone bars.

It’s still a bit of a surprise to see Marty Ginsburg, formerly an outspoken critic of local smoke-free air efforts during previous public portions of county council meetings, now standing there in support of broadening these laws. The reason is partly self-serving, in that he believes he’s losing business to some nearby exempt establishments, and partly self-awareness, given that he’s observed an improvement in his health as a result of his business having to go smoke-free.

Bill Hannegan’s appearance is no surprise, however, beating the drum to allow exemptions for businesses that cater to those over 21, ignoring the health and welfare of non-smoking employees. To my knowledge, he still argues that ventilation can provide better air quality in indoor environments where smoking is allowed than the outdoor air. Basically, he refuses to accept reality.

Sparks fly over St. Louis County bill on smoking loopholes

Marty Ginsburg, owner of the Sports Page restaurant in Chesterfield, addresses the St. Louis County Council about proposed changes to the county smoking ban during the public comment portion of the meeting in Clayton on Tuesday, Jan. 15, 2013.
Photo By David Carson, dcarson@post-dispatch.com

Historical correction: We are referred to by Joe as Group to Alleviate Smoke Pollution, which we chose initially when we considered ourselves lucky to just get a non-smoking section in a restaurant. As the dangers of secondhand smoke became more widely known and accepted, together with its severe effects on highly smoke-sensitive individuals like asthmatics, we changed GASP to mean Group Against Smoking Pollution.

Some counties, such as St. Charles, have still not enacted any smoke-free air laws. And in St. Louis City and County, workplace protection from SHS remains incomplete: influential casinos have sought and received exemptions on their gaming floors, and small bars are also exempt.

Given the reality, Joe Holleman has gone a little overboard in his depiction of a present-day P.C. Christmas, but it’s still amusing to read:

With fond memories of an un-P.C. Christmas from 1963
Spiked eggnog, castrated rooster, toy guns among highlights

By Joe Holleman jholleman@post-dispatch.com 314-340-8254
Sunday, December 23, 2012

David Kothe, 4, son of Mr. and Mrs. David Kothe of Florissant, imagines himself commander of a toy tank at the Stix, Baer & Fuller store in November 1958.
Jack January/Post-Dispatch

While the Life Sherpa takes some well-earned vacation time, here is a reprint of a 2007 story about his favorite Christmas ever:

Good thing my favorite Christmas was 45 years ago. Had it not, my family would have been in jail.
         It was Christmas Eve 1963. I had just turned 6 and was in kindergarten at St. Gabriel the Archangel. My family and their closest friends were together, the food was delicious and plentiful, and I made an incredible haul of toys.
         Today, the problems would have begun almost immediately.
         With many adults gathered, the eggnog bowl with a bottle of Jim Beam alongside was a busy attraction. After drinking some virgin nog, I pestered long enough for a “grown-up” sample. So my Uncle Red — who always had a cigar in his mouth and several hundred dollars rolled inside a rubber band in his pants pocket — put a drop or two of whiskey in my glass.
         The first taste was awful, the second was OK, the third was downright tasty. For me, this is a characteristic of whiskey that still holds true today.
         This would mark the first call to the Department of Family Services.
         But even whiskey was not enough to keep a 6-year-old from getting antsy, and obnoxious. To burn energy, I ran down the hallway or trampolined on a bed.
         No adult threatened to swat my butt when I got caught doing this stuff, they just did it. In those days, any adult relative, or close friend of a relative, could swat you.
         At this point, I call the family services department myself.
         After drinks, everyone moved into the dining room for capon (a castrated rooster), mashed potatoes and gravy and numerous creamed vegetables.
         Protesters from PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, show up with picket signs outside the house and throw symbolic chicken testicles on our porch. The Center for Science in the Public Interest alerts the media that serving me rich gravy and vegetables swimming in cholesterol sauce was like pointing an edible gun at my head.
         After the meal, my mom decided I needed a nap, so my Uncle Red and I retired to his giant leather recliner and I dozed off curled up next to him while he puffed an after-dinner cigar.
         Protesters from GASP, Group to Alleviate Smoke Pollution, start pacing with the PETA folks.
         Later, we all loaded into several cars and drove to church. I sat between my mom and my aunt, who wore their fur coats and diamonds. I felt safe and warm, squeezed between soft, cuddly furs while I watched the jewels sparkle in the candlelit church.
         PETA pickets send for reinforcements with red paint to throw on the furs. They come with Amnesty International, worried about whether the jewelry was conflict-free.
         When we got back from church, we found that Santa had snuck in while we were gone and left some amazing stuff.
         I got a bunch of cool stuff, including a bicycle and two toy guns. One gun was a rifle modeled after the Winchester that Lucas McCain carried in “The Rifleman”; the other was a Thompson machine gun like Sgt. Saunders carried in “Combat.”
         Then, the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychology issues a study analyzing my family’s blatant disregard for my mental well-being by allowing me to play with violent toys.
         The bicycle was shiny red with gobs of chrome. It was such an awesome machine that I begged and pleaded to ride it one time on the sidewalk while my uncle watched from inside the door. Family services gets another call, about a 6-year-old riding a bike at 2 a.m — without a helmet.
         Finally, under the weight of the media coverage of the protests, my family is taken away in handcuffs — leaving me alone with my “Three Stooges” coloring book.